I'm going to write again. Someday

Assalamualaikum.

It's been a year since I last log in. For that year long, I have been thinking for not wanting to write again but somehow the urge to bring up new ideas or sharing my thoughts keep coming. For now, so many things happen. I need to recollect all the things and keeping it back in track. Outlining everything up and maybe picking up some broken pieces that I did scatter along the way.

What makes me stop writing?

My life have been in ups and down and these recent years it has been a downside of life. I don't have the feelings to write eventhough there are so much to tell. For that year long, I've been keeping everything on myself. Swallowing every bitterness of life and sometimes there were sweets along the way as well :) Plus, I did some reading on my previous post and I realize that I need to change the way of my writing. It has been like a teenagers writing up her feelings and it does seem a bit annoying for me to read it up back hence i stop writing and trying to find my own way of writing. I believe I would be back someday with new thoughts, new way of thinking and new way of writing and expressing my thoughts and here I am. 

My life and future forward

Right now I'm busy with my study and I'm gonna come up with a new project. I hope that that project will start as soon as possible and I'm looking forward for what it will bring on my life. I guess thats all for now. I'll be back when I have things in thought. See you. Thank you for reading.

Love, 

Awan.

Most of the times it just need something simple

Assalamualaikum,

Hey everyone. Lama dah tak menulis. Yup, saya sedikit 'rajin' untuk mengupdate blog ini and out of the blue something happen and I just need a company but no one ever there to hold me up back. (oh really awanis??) No I'm just being melancholic there. Gag me.

After all, something really did happen and I really feel something deep down in my heart. A feeling that can be describe as sad and unhappiness. What I want to do the most by the time is crying. I just need some comfort and sweet words hence I call someone for that but ended up being hmmm I don't know how should I describe it. It is useful and the right thing to do but it just not the right time to spill it out. Thus, the moment was spoiled and a feeling call hatred rose. (ooh, scary)

Sometimes and I do think most of the time when someone go to you and tell you all of the sad thing that that person feel, what you need to do the most and what she need the most are just a pair of loyal ear to listen to and a comfort shoulder to cry. They need time and they just need to clear of their mind (by crying) to think of something. When they seek for help or solution, then spill of all your thought. Sometimes (and probably most of the time) the thing is just as simple as that, listen and quite. Don't you know the peacefulness of those two thing?

And I believe if any boys or men out there reading this and think of their girls or women or ladies when in the same situation, I know that this will only annoy them but it is the right thing to do. Oh, it can also be implemented for the same gender also. Trust me (I mean my advice) and it will be a lot more better.

So, the next time you bumped into something that involve feelings, just do a simple thing. A feeling is a complicated thing thus it need something simple to completing one another. Until next time :)

Note: Sometime I feel more British when I'm pissed off (even if it broken)

Perjalanan ke arah dewasa #1

Assalamualaikum,

Semakin hari, saya merasakan semakin banyak perkara yang perlu saya fikirkan. Sementelah pemergian ayah tercinta (semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atasnya. Amiin) saya rasakan perjalanan ini seperti terlalu berat walau hakikatnya jika orang lain lihat, tidaklah seperti mana sangat pun tetapi mungkin kerana saya tidak pernah menjangka perkara seperti ini akan berlaku seawal ini. Namun, siapalah saya untuk mempersoalkan segala kehendak-Nya. Setiap yang terjadi pasti ada hikmahnya bukan?? *senyum*

Secara jujurnya, saya merasakan seperti patah kaki semenjak ketiadaan ayah saya. Kalau saya saja sudah merasakan begitu, apatah lagi ibu saya yang telah bertahun lamanya hidup bersama beliau. Tidak dinafikan, saya terasa sedikit sunyi tanpa ketiadaan beliau. Tiada lagi insan untuk diajak bergurau senda apatah lagi membincangkan isu-isu berat seperti perkahwinan. *senyum*

Ramai yang melihat saya banyak tersenyum dan ketawa sewaktu memberitahu berita tentang pemergian beliau. Saya mengaku sebenarnya saya begitu sedih sehingga saya tidak mampu mengeluarkan air mata. Segala kesedihan saya simpan jauh di sudut hati. Saya fikir tak perlulah untuk saya menunjukkan kesedihan saya kerana apalah gunanya. Nyawa bukan milik dan hak kita. *senyum* Kadangkala, jatuh juga airmata ini kerana sedih atas pemergiannya. Ditambah lagi dengan katakata emak yang bagaikan terkesan dengan pemergiannya. Sedih, sungguh. Tak saya nafikan. Walaupun sudah hampir 5 bulan berlalu tetapi kesedihan itu masih lagi saya rasakan. Tapi saya berharap moga kesedihan ini diganti dengan kebahagiaan. kalau tak di sini, moga di sana kebahagiaan itu diberi. Acap kali juga saya katakan kepada emak, jangan dikenang orang yang sudah tiada tapi hati orang kita tak tahu. Setiap kali mendengar kata-kata rindunya, setiap kali itu juga merintih hati ini. Apa yang mampu saya katakan hanyalah bersabarlah wahai hati, kuatkan jiwamu.

Oleh itu, apabila ada yang menyentuh bertanyakan tentang perkahwinan, saya buntu. Kepada siapa harus saya tanyakan hal ini. Kepada siapa harus saya rujuk. Saya pendam, dan pendam. Saya bergantung harap kepada-Nya tetapi saya sedar bukan dengan sepenuh hati. Ada perasaan takut yang terselit jauh di lubuk hati. Saya kurang yakin dengan lamaran yang diterima. Walaupun bukanlah secara rasmi, namun saya masih tidak pernah berhenti berfikir. Walau hingga saat ini. Saya masih tercari-cari. Ada sahabat yang mengusulkan solat istikharah tetapi berat untuk saya lakukan kerana saya takut. Astaghfirullah.

Saya masih berfikir. Kepada sahabat itu, terima kasih atas nasihat awak tapi saya masih mencari kekuatan menerima semua benda ini. Terima kasih atas bantuan awak. Maaf juga kerana saya sering menyusahkan awak dengan segala persoalan. Saya memandang awak sebagaimana saya memandang ayah saya. *senyum* Kepada awak yang sudi melamar saya, saya harap awak masih sudi untuk menanti jawapan saya. Kalaulah suatu hari tiba bila awak putus asa, saya sedia menerimanya.

Semua ini hanyalah luahan hati saya. Maaf sekiranya ada sesiapa yang merasakan meluat dan jelik membacanya. Saya bukanlah orang yang mudah meluahkan isi hati saya dari bicara. Hanya menulis dan air muka sahaja yang dapat menggambarkan perasaan saya.. Maaf sekali lagi. Saya masih berusaha memperbaiki diri. Kearah jalan-Nya. InsyaAllah.

Somebody I Used To Know

Assalamualaikum,

Hi people. Whatsup? Sihat? Alhamdulillah sihat. Kan. Heheheh.

Oke just cut off the chase. I'm really into this song so much. GoTye somebody I used to know. I dont know why but somehow I do feel something whenever I hear this song. Perhaps it is because I happen to yet still feel the same thing as the lyrics said. Bak kata orang macam terkena batang hidung sendiri lah begitu kan.

Because of that, I happen to googling and searching other cover for this song and the result is I found several cover that super duper awesommmmeeeee.

Let's hear some. But before that i give you the original one first.

Lyrics pleaseee. Ahahaha. Let me give the lyrics video.

This song is so lyrical. It really mean something and whenever I hear it, I feel like the singer is talking to me directly. Like a heart to heart talk. Hmmm. Creepy but awesome!

Here the glee cover. Yeah it is awesome. Blaine and that white collar guy (I dont know his name. Forgive me) rock the song.

Then the second and the most favourite cover goes too... jeng jeng jeng

Ingrid Michaelson

She's super awesome. With all the instrument that she plays by her self, I'm amazed. Really amazed and she is like really into the song. Really do.

And the last one that I found interesting is from Walk of The Earth. They are super cool. At first I do feel like it is quite disturbing watching all of them crammed up to the guitar but when I hear it, I think yeah that's worth for all. Geeeee.

I believe there is so much more cover done by people out there but these people really make me speechless and breathless with their covers.

So, that's all I want to update right now. I have so many things in thoughts but I guess just let it slide. Not all things we can share with others right? Hope we will meet again in future. Bye people.

Love,
ME Awan :)

Awesomeness of a Writer

Assalamualaikum,

Hai everyone. Dah lama tak menulis. Saya tau. :). berlagak macam banyak perkara perlu diuruskan sementelah dah berkerjaya berusaha menghabiskan sisa pengajian. Mogamoga saya dapat bergraduat tahun ini. Amiin.

Sedang dalam waktu berkerja tapi sempat pula mengupdate blog yang tidak seberapa ini. sila jangan judge saya. Hahaha. Tapi memang saya sedikit kemalasan hari ini. Abaikan statement tak semenggah. Kerja dah habis dilakukan cuma report bertimbun tak bertulis. *Sigh*

Sedang kebosanan dan FB msg seorang teman dan bertanya tentang link blog menarik tapi sempat juga menilik blog kepunyaannya. Ada beberapa new tab dibuka. Sambil scroll down dan scroll down lagi kemudian jumpa sesuatu yang amat menarik. Hahahaha

Sangatlah excited saya ini dibuatnya bila terbaca post itu. Cinta si ramarama. Itulah tajuk yang diberikan. Menarik. As i am a big fan of butterflies, dah tentutentu senang nak tertarik dengan tajuk tu. Mula membaca dan membaca. kemudian ambil keputusan nak copy. Takpe. Tak payah susah nak cari. Saya dah tolong copykan untuk anda sekalian membacanya.

oke here it is:

Cinta layaknya seperti seekor rama-rama,
Semakin kalian mengejarnya,
Semakin jauh ia meninggalkan kalian.

Biarkan rama-rama-mu terbang kemana saja ia suka,
Siapa tahu bila lelah dan tak sedar akan kewujudanmu,
Ia bakal mengibaskan sayap kearahmu,
Menumpang teduh dari panas, badai, hujan duniawi,
Dalam keadaan yang engkau tidak sangka.

Dan mungkin saja rama-rama yang kau kejar itu,

Bukan rama-rama yang Allah peruntukkan buatmu.

Awesome!! Thanks to my friend. Oke. Itu saja. Mengarut lebih. Oke

Assalamualaikum.